sweet breeze of june.

i won't be here that much anymore, but iwill be on blogger. i'm just keepin this so i can look back and see what stupid things i said.

so check it out. i'm still rambling and complaining.

http://sweetjunebreeze.blogspot.com/

i'm just a little too not over you.

it's SO ANNOYING! i just want to be over you right now but for some reason i can't let it go. it's like you're always tugging at my heart whenever i feel like i'm at ease. i just want to be done with you, over it. to be honest, i didn't even like you at first. i didn't want to but then i started have some kind of feeling. i knew you weren't the "one" but i went for it anyway. i really started to like you and when i was ready to let you know, you took my heart and stomped on it with your big feet. thanks. it's not fair. i guess it's my fault too. i didn't want to give you a chance at first but that's not my fault, that's just me. i'm afraid to open my heart. i'm sensitive and i don't want to get hurt but everyone gets hurt and i know that. i'm just really slow with opening up to people i want to like.

it just upsets me to see you doing well and me feeling and looking like shit. everytime i hear a sad love song, i just break down a little. why am i not over this why can't i forget you? why am i so stupid. and the great thing is that sometimes when we were together, i didn't feel myself. that should have told me something but again I'M AN IDIOT!my friends said you would be the kind of guy who try to win every girl's heart and just leave them hanging. of course i thought you'd be different. as mary from another cinderella story once "Well you know what really sucks about falling for a guy you know you're not right for? You fall anyway because you think he might turn out to be different" i thought you would be different but you're just scum.

i know that i'm an idiot, you're a jerk. you hurt me, it still hurts. but for some reason, i just can't forget you.

i wish you knew that i was talking about you.

I seriously love how we don't even talk to each other. just a simple wave is all that satisfies you. well it doesn't satisfy me. i don't know where we went wrong. we used to be so close. was it me? did i do something wrong? i must have.. what did i do to that made you dislike me? what made us like this? i miss talking to you. i miss being your friend. now it seems like we barely know each other. yeah we've grown apart. i wish that didn't happen. maybe if i was smarter, cooler, more fun we'd still be friends. but i'm not. you've got your people and i guess i've got mine. but i do wish you happyness. everytime i see you, you look sad. i want to ask but i'm afraid that you'd push me away. i want to be there for you, but it seems that you don't want me. that there's no room for me to be a friend. it's like we never knew each other. but it's fine i guess it's probably the way you want it. i guess it's supposed to be this way.

but i wish you knew this was about you. that way we could talk it out.

Your Autumn Test Results

You are a dynamic, vibrant person. You aren't afraid to pursue your passions. When you are happiest, you are calm. You appreciate tradition and family. You enjoy feeling cozy. You prefer change to come slowly. You need a long transition period when your life changes. You find novelty to be the most comforting thing in the world. You love anything that's new or unusual. Your ideal day is spontaneous and surprising. You like to play things by ear, and you always end up doing something interesting. You are very impatient. You spend more time waiting for something than actually enjoying it.

Honestly.

 well arent you just a bunch of shit my computer i mean. it's crappy. first marking period is done. two b's and the rest a's. gay. oh well i'm hating school but what's new. boys are stupid, i don't need a boyfriend right now. it's my senior year. i don't need one but it'd be nice to have one who actually likes you back. jerk. i've only done one college app. lazy. mostly cause i know i'm going there cause of tennis. i just really want the letter now so i can just relax and not stress.

kay's home. well she's been home since september haha. it's been good, she's been working and we're all good at home. we have a puppy now her name's khloe. she's sleeping now haha but she's such a monster, bites everything. even though kay brought her here, khloe loves daddy more. hahaa it's cause he's a MAN! lol I think that khloe kinda brought the family closer even though mama doesn't like her much.

man it's senior year already. everything went by so fast.

Your Personality at 35,000 Says...

Deep down, you vastly prefer being with others to being alone. You love to engage people in conversation. You are good with your place in the world. You are confident and comfortable with who you are. Your gift is relating to other people. You don't hide from your own emotions, and you are good at drawing other people out. You are inspired by what is possible. Real life is often too ordinary for you. It's very easy for you to feel happy. You can find peace with any situation.

nothing a cup of ice cream can't fix.

well my throat hurts. i have not written in this is forever. but it's okay. so there's this guy i think i'm interested in. he's sweet smart cute but he probably doesn't like me. that's okay i'm used it.

school is a little stressful and tennis is on my ass. i feel so pressured. i need to do applications and do my SATs again. i wanna go to TCNJ. but i doubt that i'm smart enough. oh well.